Unabridged version.

In case anyone is wondering, I also don't know why I can't post an entry on a real topic without severely exceeding a 1000 word count. Apparently I'm pretty long-winded.

Damnit.

It's true, I'm a dice roller.

After this post I'll probably have lost any "cool" that I may have acquired, but I'm okay with that. I've mentioned previously that I'm a gamer... but I didn't quite explain to what degree. My name is Brian Williams, and I'm a Dungeons and Dragons player. It's okay, don't run away. Whatever your various notions about D&D are, they're probably wrong. So let's just get the misconceptions out of the way right now.
Things that D&D is not:

• Any form of Satanism, witchcraft, or any other such silly paranoid excuse for evil. D&D does not promote the actual worship of any form of evil, teach you to "cast magic" of any sort, or involve any sort of animal and/or virginal sacrifice.
  
• A children's game. Not to say that kids can't play it - many do. But D&D is a fairly complex, rules-heavy game that ends up being a fairly expensive hobby as well. Most D&D players are at least 18 or older.
  
• Against the teaching of the Bible/Torah/Quran/etc. Honestly, unless you're in some strange faith that believes that all forms of creative imagination are sinful, then your religion shouldn't have a problem with D&D. I'll go into more detail about what D&D is later in the post, but really it's just playing pretend at worst and group-storytelling at best.
  
• A game where you wear costumes and pretend to fight each other. No, no, no. Yes, there are people who dress up in silly costumes and go out into the woods to beat on each with fake weapons. But that game is not D&D. That is called LARPing (Live Action Role Playing) and has absolutely nothing to do with D&D. None of the many many official D&D books gives rules for or suggests LARPing. You know what I wear when I play D+D? Most often it's a pair of jeans and one of my many T-shirts purchased at a rock show. Same thing I wear to do anything else through the day.
  
• Perverse in nature. D&D is all about whatever you want it to be - it's that open ended. Your games can include giant robots, or pirates on the open sea, or building homes for impoverished people, or even all of the above. Anything you can think. As such, your games can include sex, rape, or any other questionable content that you choose. But the game does not require those things be a part of your game to play, and frankly the books subtly imply recommendation against such topics.
  
• Something only "nerds" do. Now obviously your definition of what makes a nerd could be very different from the next person's, but let's just work with the typical socially-inept geek here. People from all walks of life play D&D. I've talked to and/or heard of players that are rock stars, actors, college professors, wall street businessmen, farmers, clergymen (honestly), computer repairmen, and literally hundreds of other sorts. Vin Diesel has famously admitted to playing the game. Sure, some traditional "nerds" play the game, but they don't make up the entire demographic. Also, what's so wrong with nerds anyway?

That should cover most of the negative assumptions about the game. A few years back the "D&D is a game of Satan!" concept was fairly popular - led by a massive campaign of paranoid misinformation. Perhaps the most famous anti-D&D propaganda is Jack Chick's 'Dark Dungeons' tract. It's silly, frankly. You can find hundreds of parodies of this tiny little tract online, all based off on the joke that it's simply so far from reality that it can't possibly be taken seriously. But unfortunately, to somebody who has absolutely no previous knowledge about the game, they don't have much reason not to believe it. Jack Chick certainly makes a compelling case for being afraid of the game... too bad it's all wrong. First off, let's talk about the real "culprit" of this tract - the witches' coven. Even if we take this tract to be factual, it seems that the game is at worst just a tool these "witches" are using to gain familiarity with potential new recruits - thus they are the problem, not the game. But as I mentioned above, D&D is not a game of witchcraft. Many more players (at least in the US) consider themselves Christian than Wiccan, just as more people in the US consider themselves Christian than Wiccan. There are no rules or instructions for actual magic in any of the D&D books - heck, they'd probably be much more popular if there was. 99% of players don't belong to witches' covens, and if there are any actual witches' covens still out there they probably have much better ways to recruit people. Secondly, the players typically don't "become" their characters (unless they're serious method actors) - they simply act as them. If that's wrong, then every single actor through all of history is wrong. Finally, let's talk about the hardest part to dismiss in the tract - the girl named Marcie's suicide. This is hard rumor to diffuse, that X person from X town on X dated killed themselves because their character died. Well, as I said, D&D players are basically just actors, and since actors don't typically commit suicide when the character they're portraying is killed off... there doesn't seem to be much weight to the argument. But honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if once, maybe twice in the entire history of the game a person has committed suicide because of some negative thing that happened to their character (be it death or something else). The issue there isn't with D&D though, it's with the person being unstable to begin with. The sort of people that would kill themselves over that is just as likely to kill themselves because their favorite character in a book or TV show died off, so the fact that it happened to be D&D that set them off is utterly meaningless. So what does the tract get right? Well, not very much. The only thing worth any merit is that the Bible does say not to practice witchcraft. But we've already discussed how D&D is not witchcraft. So is writing fiction or acting the part of a character who practices magic sinful? Well, according the Bible murder, stealing, and lying are all sin... is it sinful for an actor to play a character that murders, steals, or lies? Is it sinful for an author to write a character that engages in murder, theft, or deception? If that's the case, then basically all works of fiction are evil - and that seems pretty silly to me.
So we've discussed what D&D is not and we've broken down the concept of the game itself being sinful/evil. So now we should quickly tackle what D&D is.
D&D is:

• A game. The point of D&D is the same as any other game - to have fun. And while some people do take it very seriously, it's no different than being very serious about watching football or anything else. It's still a game, and no matter how serious it's treated, the goal is as simple as just having fun.
  
• Social. D&D is a group game. The average D&D game is typically played in a group of 4 to 8 people, including the Dungeon Master (consider him the main storyteller). The game doesn't exist without the social aspect - a bunch of people spending time together in a group with nothing but their imagination and conversation to fill the time.
  
• A game of pretend. The "rules" of D&D isn't what makes the game - they're just there to add some structure. When you were a kid, did you ever play cowboys & indians or pretend to sword/gun fight with other kids? It's fun until you get to the "I shot you dead" "No you didn't, I dodged!" part. Well D&D is basically the same thing as those basic games of pretend just with some structure to prevent disagreements. Instead of fighting over whether or not you did in fact shoot your friend, now you roll a dice and do a quick equation and can say for certain whether or not you hit him.
  
• Group storytelling. For me, this is the most compelling part of the game. It's really not very different from sitting in front of a typewriter working on a fictional novel. Except in D&D you're not the only writer. It becomes a massive group effort to craft your story, with the Dungeon Master being the lead writer in charge of creating the world, and the players getting to be solely responsible for writing the parts of the main characters.
  
• A good activity for children. Bear with me here for a minute, I'll explain how. First off, the rules of D&D aren't simple. At all. Sure, the basics can be picked up pretty fast, but there is an insane number of rules in the game (don't worry, you don't need to memorize or even use all of them). Playing D&D is like an exercise in critical thinking - you need to apply some serious thought to figuring out some of the more complex rules. D&D is also a pretty math heavy game. The dice are the real key function of D&D, working as the variable for basically every conceivable action. Trying to hit that troll? Roll the dice, add any additional bonus modifiers, subtract any negative modifiers from armor or other circumstances, works out the percentile likelihood of success with the troll in question hiding partly behind a tree, etc etc etc. Want your kid to get a great head-start in math? Get them playing D&D. The level of English in through the books is basically college level, but it's presented in a fashion where kids can work out the meanings of any words they don't know. D&D is like a vocab lesson on steroids. The social aspects of the game are certainly a bonus for children that might otherwise be watching TV or playing video games by themselves as well. Additionally, the very concept of how the game is played is that the players are confronted with a series of problematic situations that they need to figure out solutions for... which is really the very definition of problem solving, a skill anyone would argue is important for everyday life. And as far as I'm concerned, encouraging creativity is one of the best things you can do for your children - the world of D&D that exists only within your own imagination is an amazing tool for expressing and developing creativity.

I think once you're willing to remove your pre-conceived notions about the game (almost all of which come from misinformation) and take a look at the game for yourself, you'll see that it isn't some vile creation of evil or merit badge of complete nerdiness. You'll see that it's just a silly, fun hobby that arguably could even be said to carry some real world benefits to it. Truth be told though, I didn't write all that to convince or convert anyone... I wrote it because I'm going to be posting some D&D related stuff I'm working out for an upcoming game and wanted to defend my playing the game from any unfair prejudice before I did so. Hopefully I've at least succeeded in that. If my post did happen to make the game sound appealing to anyone who hadn't really seen it as such before... well that's even better. As always, thanks for reading.


(side note: for whatever reason it won't let me put an ampersand '&' in the tags, so D&D entries will be listed as "d+d" in the tag section.)

Pinup girls have never been so hot.

Here's one for the gentlemen in the crowd... Her name is apparently Casey Bachelor, and she's a British model-slash-video girl. I don't know why I hadn't heard of her before today, you'd think she'd be more popular with a shape like hers. Anyway, enjoy you feisty young men!

(click the pictures for larger versions)

Below are a couple of music videos you can see her in. The first is "Flathead" by The Fratellis - Casey is the pinup girl in red in that one. The second video is for the terrible song "Hear Fear" by the equally terrible band HENTAIGENE - Casey's the main girl in that one, though it's kinda hard to tell... so just look for the first girl to take over her over-layer of clothing and dance around (jiggling happily as she does so).


Flathead


Hear Fear


Well men, I hope you enjoyed that - I'm sure I'm going to be hearing from my girlfriend over this post once she finds it!

Found this video from earlier this year while looking through old files.

Old video - not sure what my purpose was when I made it. Still makes me laugh though. From back when I was rocking the burly beard. I'll do a new real post some time later.

October Potpourri

Just a few things here I wanted to make quick mention of but don't quite merit a full post all on their own:

• Salmagundi is a fantastic word. Apparently it is some sort of salad dish, but the word also functions as "a mixture or assortment; a potpourri or grab bag." Other cool words with similar meanings are pastiche, gallimaufry, and mélange. I really love silly words.
  
• I've decided my career path - I'm going to be a financial adviser. Now I just need to start working towards that goal.
  
• Amazingly there is a lot of good TV on lately: House, Bones, Heroes, Scrubs, Family Guy, the Daily Show & the Colbert Report, Gossip Girl, Bionic Woman, Chuck, The Next Iron Chef (I really needed something to hold me over until the next season of Top Chef), Pushing Daisies, and Samatha Who? Sucks for CBS though... not a single one of their shows interests me.
  
• Spoken, one of my old favorite bands, recently released a new album. Unfortunately the first few songs blend together unmemorably, but the rest of the album is very solid. If you're into the melodic rock with a touch of hardcore sound, you should check it out.
  
• Reading the "World" news section of Google News is always horrifying. The whole planet is falling apart, isn't it?
  
• Cool as the wireless connectivity features of the new touch iPod are, I don't think it's worth paying more for a touch version that holds considerably less data than paying less for a larger capacity "classic" iPod. Also on the topic of Apple - the company is reducing the price of it's iTunes Plus songs to their standard $0.99 price they're set for regular iTunes store purchases.

Here are a few free to enter online contests and sweepstakes for anyone who is interested, as well a few free sample offers:

• Vacation at Great Wolf Resorts
  
• Instant win game from Pepperidge Farm
  
• Room organization plus $3000 in merchandise from The Container Store
  
• L'Oréal hair supply free samples (click "free samples" near the bottom of the page once it's finished loading)
  
• Free Cottonelle flushable wipes from Walmart
  
• Free map offer from the National Scenic Byways Program

Enjoy the free stuff, and wish me luck on the contests!

I was really into blood-based imagery for awhile...

In case you're interested, I just re-discovered a whole chunk of old poetry I had written a long time ago (thanks to my friend Teri)... It's kind of fun to go back and laugh at how serious I used to take myself. A lot of it is bad, and most of it is about the same few topics - but honestly there are still a few good pieces hidden in there. Anyway, if you are interested by chance, you can find it all posted on my Sticks & Stones myspace page under the blog section.

Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide.

If you follow music news at all, you've probably heard about the newest album from the art rockers Radiohead. Their seventh studio album is collecting quite a bit of buzz, although very little of it seems to be about the actual music. What people are really talking about, is the band's innovative approach to releasing this record. An excerpt from Time magazine:

"In Rainbows will be released as a digital download available only via the band's web site, Radiohead.com. There's no label or distribution partner to cut into the band's profits — but then there may not be any profits. Drop In Rainbows' 15 songs into the online checkout basket and a question mark pops up where the price would normally be. Click it, and the prompt "It's Up To You" appears. Click again and it refreshes with the words "It's Really Up To You" — and really, it is. It's the first major album whose price is determined by what individual consumers want to pay for it. And it's perfectly acceptable to pay nothing at all."
-Time magazine

You can see why the music world would have a lot to say about this news - we're looking at a move that could potentially help change the entire industry. A quick google search will find hundreds of people discussing and debating how much money the band has already made on their Oct 10th release (which I bought on the 11th for a little over $5). Some are even subtly implying that this may be their most profitable album yet - and we're just 4 days into the release!
As fascinating and incredible as their new business model (for lack of a better term) is, I can't help feeling a bit worried. Not about whether the album will be profitable for them or not - I'm certain it will be - but rather on whether or not all this talk of their method is overshadowing their music itself. Honestly, I think that what I've heard of In Rainbows (the download only offers the first disc - the additional 8 songs currently need to be purchased as an expensive boxed set) is probably the best Radiohead has ever composed. The entire album is solid - not a single track fails to impress. I'm just afraid that years from now this album won't be talked about for how awesome it is - but rather for it's gimmicky sales approach. More people need to talk about the music itself than the pay as you'd like scheme. So anyway, I highly recommend heading over to the In Rainbows website and purchasing the album for whatever you think is fair. Not because I believe in the method (I do, btw), but because this is a fantastic album that really shouldn't be missed out on. If you're only going to own one Radiohead album - it really should be In Rainbows.

Oh - and listen for the Little Mermaid reference at the end of 'Nude,' it makes me smile every time I hear it.

Ignore This Post - It's Not For You.

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On Gaming or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace The Revolution. pt.2

(This is the second part of a 2 part series on gamers, the game industry, and the Nintendo Wii. If you haven't yet read the first half, you can do so right here.)

In the last installment on this topic, we discussed the new "gamer" and the potential problems for the games industry in targeting that demographic. Now let's discuss what Nintendo is doing to rectify the situation.
With the release of their newest console, the Nintendo Wii, Nintendo was taking a big chance. Their system wasn't designed to appeal to the core gaming market, risking the favor and attention of the people shown to spend money on the video game industry. Core technology-wise, the processor used in the Wii isn't much of a step up from the previous generation of game systems - it's fairly comparable with the Gamecube, Playstation 2, or regular Xbox. As such, the potential game capability is lower than that of it's current competition - more importantly the Wii simply can't handle the quality level of graphics that the other two can, and ever-increasingly "better" graphics have become one of the more important aspects in successful game sales. Even the actual games were decidedly not focused on the frat-gamer - the pseudo-shooter Red Steel was the only gamer game with even a little bit of hype around it back during the Wii launch period.
But none of those things could hold the Wii back - despite all the potential negatives, there was just too much to get excited about in the little white box. The key aspect of the Wii is obviously the new motion sensor control style. Gaming isn't just about hitting buttons anymore. You don't play Wii Baseball by hitting the 'swing' button at the right time - you get out there and swing the bat like you were really out there standing over home plate. You bowl by going through the motions you would at any bowling alley, you deliver that backhand just like you've seen Serena Williams do it to return the ball in Wii Tennis, and you stand ready in your gold posture to score that hole in one in your simulated gold game. As a matter of fact, if I remember correctly, the entire Wii Sports game (which comes with the console and includes Wii Tennis, Baseball, Golf, Bowling, Boxing, and a variety of really fun training games) can be played only touched two actual buttons on the Wii Remote - a striking departure from the standard of Xbox/Xbox360/Ps2/Ps3 games typically requiring the use of at least 8 buttons as well as analogue sticks and/or directional pads. The Wii Remote has more buttons, but the idea is that it isn't about figuring about button configurations but rather just getting out there and playing. And while the sensor isn't perfect (problems vary a lot - mostly depending on the distance from and size of your television and the amount of infrared light in the room), it's pretty damn good - the remote can really detect amazingly subtle movements with fairly great accuracy. Here's the great thing about this - no longer do you have to have some familiarity with gaming to competently pick up a game and enjoy it. Can you swing a baseball bat? You can play Wii Sports! Can you hold a marble in your hand and tilt to move it around your hand? You can master Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz! Can you use your finger to point at the TV screen? You can play Red Steel or Farcry or any other shooting game on the Wii! It's really that simple. The Wii is the system made for people who don't play video games. You've probably heard these stories thrown around a lot as Wii-buzz, but there are elderly grandparents who have barely touched a computer, much less a video game, out there buying Wii systems because they had so much fun playing them with their grandchildren! The Wii isn't just new user-friendly for it's controls either - the Wii is the system most likely to appeal to new gamers because it comes in at the low price tag of $249.99 currently compared to the Xbox 360 at $349.99 for the cheap version of it's real system (you can buy a cheaper version called the Xbox 360 Core edition, but it's basically an incomplete system) and the massive price tag of $449.99 for the cheapest version of the PlayStation 3! That doesn't even take into account Nintendo's decision to keep first-party published games under $50 whereas Xbox360/PS3 first party games are averaging close to the $60 mark these days. So the choice becomes pretty clear to the potential new gamer looking for a new hobby to pass the time - either invest a lot of cash into a system that looks complicated, or spend a more manageable wad of cash on a system that seems easy to learn and has a lot of positive buzz from fellow non-gamers out there who gave it a shot. This is why Nintendo is winning the console war. Rather than go with the strategy of fighting with their rivals over the X number of people who spend money on the gaming market, they made a machine for the much larger number of people who weren't gamers already - knowing full well that the gaming scene by it's very nature would display interest in the machine no matter what they did. So the Wii sells to the gamers that support Nintendo and it's system, it sells to the new breed of casual gamers, and it still sell to a large chunk of the "hardcore" gaming community because a large chunk of that populous are multi-system owners who will consistently buy all of or at least most of the major gaming systems on the market. Nintendo does a nice little happy dance on it's way to the bank.
As fantastic as it is to draw new people to gaming (theoretically more gamers means more money into the game industry which means a stronger, better industry), that's not even the part that makes me excited about the Wii. It's that we get to experience a new sort of gaming for the first time in a long time. Games like Trauma Center, where you use the Wii Remote and Nunchuk attachment (both come with the sytesm) like surgical tools to save the lives of your patients, wouldn't exist if not for the innovations made by the Wii. Heck, even sports gaming, perhaps the absolute least innovated genre in video games, has the potential to feel fresh and new on the Wii - supposedly the Wii version of Madden's long-running and always-exactly-the-same-damn-game football series actually plays like it's something totally original! Even shooting games can really be reborn on the Wii. While I think shooting games are fun, I've long thought that they're basically just an endless chain of clones of each other. Up until now they're been basically interchangeable at least in their gameplay dynamics. But now with the Wii, we're not just facing out enemies and pushing the buttons - we're actually aiming the remote and firing at every nook and cranny on the screen like we were really there in the moment! So the Wii isn't just bringing new gamers - it's bringing a new way to game. And as a long-time gamer, I really think that's just what the industry needed.
Long live Nintendo!

DAMNIT.

Okay, so I've been a little bit busier than planned - I should finish the second part of my in progress post tomorrow. Sorry to all 3 of my readers.

Please enjoy my drawing of a pink Elmo as a way of saying I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry!"

On Gaming or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace The Revolution. pt.1

(This is going to be a long entry and since it's really about two separate topics, I'll be dividing it into two parts. If you're not very interested in my analysis of the modern gamer and how he's hurting the gaming industry, you may want to skip ahead to why the Wii may be the salvation gamers need. You'll find that in part 2.)
I know I touched on what a modern "gamer" is a lit bit already in my previous gaming post, but let's go over this one more time... What sort of person is the modern gamer? Well sadly, he's not a hard character to describe - at least he's not a hard character to make somewhat vague but most likely accurate generalizations about. Of course this is going to be just the worst stereotype of the most generic gamer, but I think you'll get the idea I'm trying to get across pretty clearly. Let's start with the physical, starting from his head and ending at his toes:
If he's a lucky gamer then he has naturally brown, curly hair which he cuts just short enough to still curl and styles to look entirely unkempt. If he didn't get the curly hair gene, he's likely wearing a trucker or baseball cap. His head is further covered by either a Xbox Live headset if he's playing console games, or another very similar headset if he's playing World of Warcraft. He's not smiling - gaming is a serious affair to this type of gamer, so he's either staring with a bored-but-serious expression, or rambling incoherently into his headset. At best he may give the occasional snooty chuckle. He may or may not be wearing either a hemp, puka shell, or wooden bead necklace. His T-shirt either has some just slightly artsy band like Coheed & Cambria or some vague gaming/vague meme (internet phenomenon) reference on it, worn over his just slightly overweight midsection. Studded belt or faded leather belt with silly buckle is a must. He wears jeans that he pays far too much for, but so does everybody, so that's not all that important. His shoes are typically either Converse or Vans brand - though he may be wearing overpriced leather sandals as well. If he's on the computer (and thereby playing World of Warcraft), he's slouched back as if trying to recline in his computer chair. If he's on his Xbox, he's probably leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Proper posture is a faux pas for this gamer. Yes, the modern gamer is basically the worst stereotype of a slacker frat boy.
His mannerisms are the really distinct part of the frat-boy-slash-gamer however. He acts nonchalant about as much as he can, throwing in the occasional bit of "randomness" to appear cool. He speaks in l33t (click the link if you're not familiar with it), despite the fact that it was popular way back in '98 in Ultima Online (and elsewhere) and is totally played out now. 75% of his speech is made up of the words "Pwn" and "Newb." He may or may not own a few different gaming consoles, but he definitely owns a Xbox 360, or at least a 'classic' Xbox. The only game he plays on his PC is World of Warcraft, or Guild Wars - which is basically Warcraft Lite. He may own and occasionally buy a PC game, but he doesn't play it frequently enough to matter. As referenced above, he most likely listens to pseudo-art rock - nothing too artsy or intelligent, just enough to be a little bit deeper than standard radio fare so he can look down his nose with a sense of musical superiority (Coheed & Cambria, Cursive, Dragonforce, maybe even a little Cobra Starship). He does not actively listen to rap, but occasionally uses hip-hop slang for weak comedic effect. Most importantly of all though, is that he doesn't play games for fun. At least it's not the game itself that gives him the most enjoyment. Gaming is a giant pissing contest for this sort of gamer. It's about being the best, the fastest, the first. It's all about justifying in themselves their sense of superiority. He strives to be the best PvPer (player-vs-player in game fighting, for the non-gamer), the first person to reach level [x] in whatever new game comes out, the first person to beat/discover/win/obtain whatever, etc, etc, etc. It's not about being good at this or that game - it's all about being better than somebody else at it.
Looking for something to self-affirm your own superiority really isn't all that bad in and of itself. Stupid, but not much else. The problem is such - this new gamer demographic isn't looking for the coolest new games - they're looking for the coolest slight variation on games they've already played. They want BioShock to be Halo-esque because Halo was fun and is familiar to them. They can pick up BioShock and get into it like a pro quickly. And thus they can win fast and dominate others fast. Random gamer X may only be the 24th best killer on Counter-Strike, but maybe if they pick up whatever the next clone game is before the 23 other players better than they are, then they could master it faster and become the best. And so innovation dies. Games are clones of successful games before them because the new gamer just wants to keep playing the same games they're good at - just with new levels and better graphics (graphics being the most important aspect to the modern gamer). Furthermore, the gaming world is becoming less and less welcoming to potential new players. The games are made for these "hardcore" gamers. Watch somebody who has never played a video game before try to play BioShock. Sure, they might eventually get it - but it will be a long, frustrating, and frankly not very fun journey that they'll probably quit long before they become a competent player. The new player problem is even worse in games that emphasis player vs player competition. How is the guy who's first game is Halo 3 possibly supposed to keep up with the gamer that has played, beat, and dominated the previous two installments as well as the endless Halo clones on the market? Simply, he can't. And since a lot of the "fun" in these new gamers games is in succeeding in the competition setting - that new player misses out... and ultimately gives up.
But don't lose hope just yet. Obviously there are still a few games and game companies coming out that appeal to more than just the hardcore gamer. Katamari Damacy, most "party" games, any of the Sims-type games, and a few other of the quirky 'take-a-chance' type games manage to be fun, inviting, and utterly refreshing. But there is no bigger champion of reinvigorating the gaming world than the Nintendo Wii. Call me a fanboy all you want, but frankly I'm still giddy over the Wii's willingness to rethink not just the games we play, but the way in which we play them. But this post is getting pretty big already... so stay tuned for part 2 of this post where we discuss what it is that makes the Wii worth such reverence.

Vacation Report!

I don't have a whole lot of time, but here's my quick vacation recap (fair warning - long post ahead):

First off I had to go to TX to be the best man for my brother's wedding. Texas sucks. It's boring, it's hot, and it's ugly. But we weren't there for vacation so we get everything set up for the wedding, and decide to spend the night (Friday) before out drinking - apparently the only worthwhile spot is some crazy honky-tonk bar called Whiskey Town or something like that. It's huge, pretty cool, and while I definitely am not a country fan - I was glad to hear them playing moderately listenable 'authentic' country rather than the terrible country-rock crossover stuff that is so popular amongst country fans and stations these days. Then the drinking starts. Now, I wouldn't say that I have a drinking problem. I don't drink often - honestly I drink 'for real' less than once every other month. My problem is that I only seem to be able to have two drinks or two hundred drinks. So I'm fine when I decide to just have a couple - I stop there and I'm happy. We were partying though. I won't go into some of the details but something set me off and after being already way too smashed for my own good, decided to angrily go and order a double shot of Bacardi 151 (those of you who care about alcohol tolerance may want to note that I'm a very infrequent drinker and I only weigh about 140lbs, so I'm the very definition of a "lightweight")... The 151 is the last thing I remember. Next thing I know I'm being woken up in a puke-soaked bed being told to jump in the shower to get ready for the wedding. I was later told that I not only drank the 151, but also had another 6 or so drinks that night - not including the additional ones I ordered for myself (and I know I did since my CC statement shows me closing out not one, but TWO more tabs). I had apparently been thrown out of the TX bar after falling off the stool with such force that I scraped the entire right side of my face and trying to get into a fight with one of our friends. Story goes that I was puking pretty much non-stop from that point on until 5 am, and puking up blood at that (there was talks of taking me to the hospital but apparently none of them knew whether or not I had insurance and they didn't want me to get charged). So anyway I'm puking nonstop literally until one hour before my brother's ceremony (and it's worth noting that I have never ever thrown up from alcohol in my life - heck, I haven't thrown up at all in about 15 years), but I was so determined not to ruin it for my brother that I summoned all my resolve and toughed out my role as best I could - supposedly I did well enough that nobody could tell I was still drunk. On to the reception I sat quietly saving my strength for my speech/toast, delivered it as I hoped, then went to sleep in the still-somewhat-puke-scented rental car. We spent one more uneventful night in TX before getting on our morning plane to Vegas...
So early Sunday morning we arrive in Vegas - I'm still so sick from drinking that I can't even handle food - I couldn't even manage to drink water until just now. But I'm in good spirits (an unintentional pun! ha!) - we're in Vegas and the lobby to our hotel (the new Planet Hollywood - formerly the Aladdin before the restoration) looks absolutely beautiful - trendy and cool and not at all cheesy like we were expecting (have you ever been to a Planet Hollywood restaurant? Super tacky - thank God the hotel/casino felt NOTHING like that). We sign up for early check in and they tell us they can have a "great room" ready for us in 3 hours. Cool. We leave our bags and head into the casino.... Wow. I mean, wow. This is far from my first trip to Vegas, and I'm been in a lot of casinos - from the sleazy Sahara to the luxurious Wynn... and honestly the casino level of the PH is the best I've seen. It's open, welcoming, and almost too trendy-cool for it's own good. We're instantly in a good mood. This place definitely isn't for everybody, but Theresa and I really felt like it was right for us. We gamble a little bit, but I'm more of a table player than a slot guy, and it's too early for most tables to be open - so we explore some more. The entire public area of this place is gorgeous. Even the parts still under renovation with their obviously Aladdin influences somehow manage to fit in and look fantastic. Seriously kids, next time you're in Vegas, be sure to stop by. Anyway, we eventually get our room which is also beautiful, despite the two Stallone pictures adorning our walls, and I am totally ready to get some sleep. Napped, energized, and finally ready to get some food we set off for this Ellis Island Brewery and Casino I'd heard about which was off the opposite street corner one road behind our hotel.... and we proceeded to have one of the greatest meals we've ever had. Seriously. This place is off the strip, so they need to use classic Vegas tactics to get people in to gamble: put out some really fantastic food for unrealistically cheap prices. I had a gigantic roast turkey dinner (the special) with mashed potatoes, corn salad, and gravy that could have easily fed myself, my girlfriend, AND a guest all on it's own. It also came with the uncontested best bowl of chicken noodle soup on earth. Now I know that chicken noodle is boring - I think so too - but this soup was so amazingly fantastic that my eyes were rolling back into my head while I ate it. The single best thing I ate in all of Vegas. And I ate at Tom Colicchio's Craftsteak!! But I'll get into that later... My whole dinner cost me $6.99 plus about a buck for micro-brewed root beer. The girlfriend had a $5.99 burger that was plenty good, but not really special enough to warrant saying much about it. She did say the Ellis Island in-house brewed hefeweizen beer ($1.50 for a pint) was really good, but I was no where near ready to taste anything alcoholic. Also, we got to watch some old lady in the restaurant almost die from choking. Seriously somebody was giving her the Heimlich for like 4 minutes before this 18 year old looking kid came up and finally got her throat clear after another couple minutes of Heimlich. Seriously, she was turning blue - we were certain we were about to watch her die. It was really, really intense. Not much else happened that night though - pretty much all of our time was spent winning money at the video roulette machine back in the PH. Monday was our "big" Vegas day: the only day we were there morning till night, the day we were eating at Craftsteak, and the day of our ridiculous timeshare tour. Yes, we had to do a tour - but hey, I only paid $100 bucks total for both nights for a 4 person room (our friends decided they couldn't make it) in a newly renovated hotel! The tour sounded great and honestly if we had any money to spare we really might have purchased a timeshare there (it was currently being built, literally as a part of the PH - the only timeshare with a casino inside!), but of course the overly aggressive final sales push at the end was horrible. But I'm immune to pressure sales anyway, so we just sat there and said no the next 30 minutes worth of varying offers they threw at us. Lol. After that we gambled a bit more, had an utterly amazing chicken florentine sandwich at the Earl of Sandwich in the PH and went back to our room to rest for a bit before our big dinner (hey, I was still feeling drained from my bout with alcohol poisoning... and the gf had been drinking early that day - we were both in need of some napping).
...Now you remember way back when I mentioned the desk clerk getting us a "great room?" Well here's a tip for you - any time a hotel desk clerk happily gives you a "great room," be wary and ready to demand a different room - because she's probably happy to be unloaded the crap room on a rube like you. We get into a room and just lay down for the much needed nap when we're awoken by a sound that you should never have to hear in any hotel you're staying at... a jackhammer. I'm not kidding. And no, the jackhammer isn't outside working on the timeshare construction... IT'S IN THE VERY ROOM NEXT TO US. Turns out they're still renovating a few rooms on the one side of our floor... And they put us in the absolute worst room they could. The gf calls down to the front desk to complain about the noise and they respond not with apologies, but rather with "they'll be done soon." Unbelievable. Frustrated and not yet ready to deal with making a larger issue out of it, we change into our dinner clothes and head towards the MGM Grand and Craftsteak. We gamble to kill time, but gambling in and of itself isn't very interesting - so on to dinner. Honestly, I was so looking forward to eating here I could barely contain myself. The place is beautiful. Probably the best restaurant atmosphere I'd ever seen, and I've eaten at my fair share of nicer establishments. We get one of those inset somewhat-private booths along the wall where we can look out into the whole of the place. We place our orders and enjoy the bread and delicious imported butters while waiting for the first course. The a la carte style salad arrives - we ordered the mixed lettuces and the artichokes... Ug. I am so disappointed. I'm an artichoke fanatic - I like them on everything and prepared just about any way you can... but these were terrible. The artichokes themselves were unrealistically bland to begin with, but then they came completely drenched in some odd cream dressing that would have been strong enough to drown out the most flavorful 'choke, much less these poor excuses for the heavenly vegetable. I was so disappointed I honestly felt like crying. I ate about three mouthfuls of salad and a total of about 4 of the tiny artichoke quarters. Then the entrées hit the table - knowing that the two of us aren't the biggest eaters we had agreed to simply split the 16oz grilled T-bone with the a la carte side order of wild mushroom risotto. The steak... wasn't spectacular. At all. I have a sort of food pet peeve - I want the main component of any dish I'm eating to be the main flavor I'm tasting. The steak (which was served 'warm' at best) was covered in a small forest worth of rosemary and tasted of nothing but the herb even after I scraped all of it off the steak the moment it arrived on the table. Admittedly the texture was superb - the T-bone was more tender than any cut of filet I have ever had - but the damn thing was just so damn rosemary tasting that I couldn't help but feel somehow robbed. Thankfully my gf's mushroom risotto saved the meal. It was perfection - silky and creamy but still al denté enough to give you a nice almost-crunch. And the massive portion (honestly, it was large enough that it alone could easily have fed three or four people) was topped with what seemed like close to a pound of absolutely perfectly sautéed mushrooms. We actually ended up leaving a bit of the steak on the plate in favor of getting our fill of the risotto. All in all, I feel almost heartbroken over my Craftsteak experience. Somewhat downtrodden, we headed back to the PH and gambled on until bed time. Tuesday was our last day in Vegas and started out with us being woken up by what sounded like plumbing work in the under-construction room next to us (oh I had forgotten to mention all of the concrete dust footprints we saw heading in and out of that room from the point of the jackhammer on) and a second call to the front desk to complain (we mentioned the many various little problems in our room as well - none of them major, but there was really more issues than should be acceptable). This time they offered to extend our 11am checkout to 2pm, to make up for lost sleep. Wow, how very generous. Ug. So we headed down far earlier than intended to get breakfast and spent the next many hours gambling. Up to this point we were pretty much breaking even on our gambling money. About an hour and a half into our Tuesday gambling (mostly roulette and video roulette) we were up over $200. Two hours after that however, we had lost not only the $200+ but also the roughly $160 combined we had set aside to gamble with before the trip. Ah well, c'est la vie, non? We did accrue a lot of points on our PH player's club card though - at this point enough for three of the four potential "first 48 hours" rewards - $5 in free slot play, $10 off the award-winning buffet, and another $10 in free slot play. We'd also accrued a whopping $7 in cash-back money. Woo-hoo. We instantly blew threw our free $15 and very much enjoyed the extensive upscale buffet for lunch. Then we checked out and headed out to the Venetian - I'd never been and really wanted to see it more than any of the other casinos. Eh. It's cool, but nothing is really cool enough to write about. We came back to the PH to get our bags, realized we had another hour to kill, and gambled some more. Didn't really lose or gain any more than we already had, but we did happen to get enough player's points to earn the final of the four rewards - $25 in free slot play. And this time the player's club clerk pointed out that we'd been earned food comps as well - we didn't even know about that perk. So our very final act in Vegas before heading to the airport to head back to DC (via Newark airport in NJ - ick) was spending our $20 comp coupon at Earl of Sandwich getting yet another delicious sandwich and plenty of snacks for the plane.
Not much else to note after that - I seem to have gotten sick on the flight to Newark, which I attribute to my alcohol-weakened immune system - and we spent another couple days back in our old hometown of Northern Virginia (it's always easier to just say DC, but really I'm actually from about 45 minutes outside of the city proper). Had a really great time all in all, even despite my silly drinking mistake and my major food disappointment... but I am glad to be home!

Still have a lot of unpacking and such to do here (alright fine, really we just need to watch all of our new TiVo'ed shows before they get deleted to make room for even more junk), so I think I'm done with this entry for the night. Sorry if my story was somewhat less than interesting, I just wanted to be sure to include all the relevant parts.
And don't worry Smartie, the Wii post is still coming - I'll probably get it up tomorrow.

Texas bad, Vegas good.

Woo, just got back in from my vacation at roughly 1am this morning. I'm exhausted. Too exhausted to make a real entry. The Wii post IS still coming, but I wanted to point everyone's attention to the right side bar... I added a few links, most notably to my new forum. Of course it's silly for a blog to have it's own forum, but I've always been a forum junkie, so I just couldn't resist. Oh, and if you're interested in finding me on either Snacksby or Epicurious, I'm there on both as 'numbvox,' though I am honestly more of a spectator on those two sites than a participant. Check them out though, as well as the rest of the links.